Meet Berna Bilgin
Twenty years ago, Berna Bilgin left Istanbul to visit New York City for six months, and it ended up being a permanent move. In the decades that have followed, she’s industriously built a career as a restauranteur by opening up MyMoon, with her brother. Here she speaks about luck, how to blend family and business, and the weirdness of using dating apps in your 40s.
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on her morning routine
I wake up around 7:15am, but don’t want to get up. I want to take more time to breathe first: I’m trying to meditate, but it’s so hard for me to do. In the morning, I have anxiety about the little things like taking my dog out, getting dressed on time, or checking emails. So I think it’s better for me to meditate at night.
on the lucky simplicity of her Turkish upbringing
I think I was lucky to be born in 1974. We didn’t have social media and didn’t watch much T.V. There was this one very theatrical Turkish lady who was famous for reading children’s stories. We watched her for two hours a day, here and there, and on Sundays. Or, the whole family would watch a movie together. Our access to stores and shopping was limited, too. It wasn’t like New York. And we had rules around beauty: I wasn’t allowed to dye my hair until I turned 18 or 19 and couldn’t wear anything more than a little bit of light lipstick as a teen. The only thing I do remember really wanting to do back then was to shape my big eyebrows. My mom didn’t let me, which drove me crazy. It was just how things were at the time in Turkey.
on moving to the U.S. and building her restaurant, mymoon, with her brother
When I originally came to the U.S. from Istanbul in 2001, I was only planning to spend six or seven months, at the most, here. I didn’t want to go back to Turkey, though. I ended up staying, passing my TOEFL and then going to business school at Berkeley College.
While I was in school, my brother Benny had already found the space in Williamsburg that would become MyMoon. When I saw it for the first time, and I’m not lying, I thought it was garbage and that he was wasting his money. It was made up of an abandoned factory and a boiling room, and the first thing you saw when you entered was all the boilers.
He had a vision. He’s, like, not from this world. He always dreamt of having a restaurant for himself and figured out how to make it happen. He did the construction, which took about three years to finish. We were living together in Long Island City at the time, and though I wasn’t on-site every day, at night, we would map everything out on paper and move it around to really try to figure out where to put everything. We didn't have much money but used what our parents gave us and bet on it. I don't know how it came alive. Other than that once you believe in something, it counts. You always end up meeting the right people, and it works.
““The name comes from my mom. She calls my brother, Benny, ‘my moon,’ which means her monkey. He left Turkey at such a young age and was always abroad, so we found it really touching when he decided to name it that. My mom, so beautifully, calling him ‘my moon,’ is what he remembered over all this time. ‘That’s my moon.’””
on getting through business challenges with family
Family matters. We have kept each other strong through all the challenges and hard times. When we first opened in 2005, the first two years were great, but once the recession hit, it was so hard. I don’t want to go back to that time. Benny would go in at night, and I’d go in the morning. There were times when I thought we might have to close the restaurant. We only had a few servers, some of whom still work with us, and we all bonded together like a family. We had to all support each other.
I also believe in good energy. Once you do what you’re supposed to do and do good, what is supposed to happen, happens. We were working a lunch one Sunday, and a couple came in who I started chatting casually with. The future bride said, “I want to get married here.” We had never even considered doing weddings or events at that point, but it became an option. We started doing five or six weddings a year and garnering buzz, so we spruced up the garden with more greenery and unveiled it as an event space. By then, it was around 2010, so Williamsburg was starting to boom.
on handling money and covid
I am so grateful I handle the money for MyMoon. To me, it doesn’t matter how much you’re making, but how much you're spending matters. So I always save. Not only in business, but in this world, you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. This became all the more clear with the pandemic. Like everyone, we thought we were only going to close for two weeks in the beginning, but it ended up taking four months to reopen. We had to lay off staff for a while since we couldn’t pay them. Luckily, unemployment kicked in for them, and as soon as we could, we rehired them. They knew that no matter what, we were going to get them paid and take care of them. Weddings were postponed too, but it all could’ve been so much worse if we hadn’t been able to save more.
on balancing work and family
I am so lucky. Growing up, I had to work, but I still could pay for school and start the business. You don’t realize it, but the cycle is pretty much just a loop. You keep working until you can take a break to breathe, and then you have to continue. Before Covid, everybody was working like crazy. Staying home at the beginning wasn’t the best, but people started to see everything they were missing. I think people began to realize they couldn’t cure themselves by working. If you’re making a billion dollars, it’s a totally different story. But for us regular people, I think we realized that “Okay, you know what? I can work shorter hours. Maybe I’ll earn a little less, but I’ll be able to spend quality time with my family.”
When you reach a boiling point, nothing makes you happy. You'll just want to be like, with the dogs and with the animals. To just be yourself. My brother Benny is at that stage. I’m at the stage where I’m not done yet. You have to have something to focus on, and for me, it’s my business that makes me happy right now. I always say the minute that I stop working, I will literally die. But in the future, who knows.
““Daniel Boulud is a genius. When you go to Daniel, they don’t just serve you food. What they do is, as soon as you arrive, they serve you little bites of different treats every few minutes. The wait for the main is long, but it’s worth it because you get to sample all of these things in the meantime. By the end, you’re so full and satisfied. It’s beautiful. It’s delicious. Restaurants always come and go, but not his.””
on dating, marriage, and trying hinge
I got engaged when I was 26, and he was 28. We were both so young. He still wanted to explore and learn, and I ended up moving to the U.S. right after. The way it didn’t happen was hard in the moment, but really all for the best.
Now, it’s not that I’m against getting married. But I am 47 and know what I want. It’s not like when you’re young and think your boyfriend is the center of the world. You think you’ll be so happy together forever. After 40, you’re not looking for just sex, or marriage, or even looking at someone for their physical attributes. You’re looking for somebody who understands you. It’s just that the more you look, the less it becomes real because there’s nobody around.
I tried using Hinge once! Out of boredom. But it’s so disposable. I love meeting people organically—I can’t even arrange my profile on the app. It’s just so weird. I did go on a couple of dates, and one of them showed up in flip-flops. I’m really traditional, and as soon as I saw him was like, “thank you for the water, I need to go.”
on her mom
She is strong. She lost her husband when she was 44, so even younger than I am now. She raised two kids by herself. Wow, she’s so strong. And I’ve never heard her complain. She’s always like, “Okay, good things will come; everything is going to be fine and happens for a reason.” When I was younger, her positivity irritated me because I was so eager to make everything happen. In business, in my relationships, in my friendships. But eventually, I started to see things coming.
on friendship
All the friends I have inspire me. Every single one of them. One of them is a single mother going through a divorce and a tough time with her father. Another is an African American chemist whose way of thinking inspires me a lot. She’s marvelous, and I’m looking forward to going for tea for her birthday soon.
Being selfish has allowed me to look outside of myself and at the bigger picture in my friendships. There was a breaking point where I kept feeling like I was giving so much but not getting what I needed in return. So I started saying no, and everything changed. The ones who stayed are the ones I’m keeping around forever. It also helped me to see my friends for who they are and what they’re going through, which is the best thing I think you can do for both yourself and your friends.
on beauty, aging, and instilling confidence in a younger generation
I think that youth and beauty are not about how you look. They're about how you present and carry yourself. My generation learned that at such a young age, but I worry that this generation isn’t being educated in the same way. For me, if I go out without makeup or a dress, it doesn’t matter. We need to teach the younger generation how they can carry and be themselves. Again, I am so lucky, and so were my parents. I couldn’t imagine my mom raising a teenager right now. It’s not the same.
Now is a dangerous time, where kids can access anything. And they look older than us. When they’re 14, they can look like they’re 28. I don’t know how they’re doing it. Right now, we’re all taking care of my friend’s daughter. I took her to see a Van Gogh exhibit the other day, and it was beautiful. Us friends are all trying to teach her that she’s beautiful. We’re trying to teach her that it’s nothing if you’re a little bigger, or taller, or have bigger boobs than your friends. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a TikTok star.
on her beauty routine
I got Botox when I hit 40. Turning that age is a big thing, and I was getting like, a little bit crazy. Never again. I think the doctor overdid it, and oh my God, it just wasn't for me. My face is so expressive when I talk: you can tell when I’m angry, happy, or nervous because of how I look. So it didn’t feel like me.
As for my daily routine, I wash my face, and I’ve always let it air dry. I have been using LaRoche Posay cream and sunscreen forever. I don’t do any under the eye creams or anything else like that. The most makeup I do is a little bit of mascara, but only here and there because I don’t even think it looks good.
on her fashion aspirations and style
Since childhood, I’ve always wanted to work in fashion. My mom has always told me I have an eye for design. When I dress up, my friends are always like, “Oh my God, where did you find this?” But when I shop with them, they see those interesting pieces too and don’t buy them. I do. COMME de GARÇONS is my favorite. I loved Rei Kawakubo's style when she was with Yohji Yamamoto and think he really changed her vision in fashion. I also like the song "Tous Les Garçons Et Les Filles" by Francoise Hardy, which inspired the name of her company. Dior is my favorite for evening and cocktail dresses. Ah, also Tom Ford: he knows how to make women look sexy and sophisticated at the same time.
I know that I’m 47 and have a couple more years with MyMoon, but then, maybe with my management skills, I’ll go take a shot at working in fashion. I just want to enjoy it for a couple of years. When I was younger, I did also work for LucaLuca, a designer who was pretty famous then but closed down his shop, and currently I do co-own a jewelry business.
on her diet and supplements
I take Zinc, Liquid B-12, Cat’s Claw, Vitamin C, and Goldenseal. I do a couple of drops under my tongue for 20 seconds or so, and I’m good. I try to get Vitamin C from fruit and vegetables too. I try to eat at least two kiwis a day and lots of red peppers and oranges. I love Greek food and do red pepper in salads. I’m a vegetarian but can’t be vegan because I love cheese too much. I know I own a restaurant, but I don’t know how to cook. I love soup and buy hot soups all year round. I put them in the freezer, so I have them for weeks. I know I own a restaurant, but I don’t know how to cook. I don't like it and don't have the time, so I always eat at work.
on what she’s reading
Atatürk ile Allah Arasında by Sinan Meydan, Fi by Akilah Azra Kohen, The Little Bit Naughty Book of Blowjobs by Lainie Speiser.
berna’s favorite spots in new york
My favorite restaurant in my neighborhood is Majorelle. I also love the Waverly Inn, Salinas, and Rossini’s. Ah, and the best Italian grocer ever is Joe Leone's in Point Pleasant Beach, N.J. My friend has a summer house nearby, so she takes me all the time.
images by clémence polès, interview by marina sulmona